In this tutorial we now have a Band 7 essay graded by an.

First the essay can be read by you, and soon after we break down which sentences helped this essay score a Band 7.

Each criteria happens to be considered as well as the sentence within the essay has been colour coded to correspond to your fours marking criteria used by the British Council / IELTS IDP.

This tutorial will assist you to understand:

  • How an essay gets a Band 7
  • What sentence structures and language is required for a Band 7
  • Ways to link ideas smoothly

In the present time, the population of some countries includes a comparatively large numbers of young adults, in contrast to how many the elderly. Perform some advantages with this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

It is well known that some countries have a population with increased young adults than old people. Even this fact could have both benefits and drawbacks, In my opinion the positive implications of getting a youthful population over-weigh the negative ones. This essay will talk about the advantages and disadvantages examples that are giving support both point of view.

On one side, having more younger people can lead to a lack of professionals in the society. Older population may be more educated as compared to young one, this really is being why they usually have had additional time to study a career that is professional their lives. For example, to become a professional physician it really is needed at least ten years of university studies and this may not be able for a adult that is young. In addition, younger population have less life experience than old population https://edubirdies.org/buy-essay-online/. People after their 50’s may have been through a lot in life in addition they may become more prepared to solve any day-life problem than younger people. This could assist to form a less stressful society. Lastly, younger populations are going to have high rate of crime, this might be because young people have significantly more energy to commit crime than old people. A study through the University of Chile indicated that within the south of Chile, in which the population is mostly young, the rate of robs and crimes where twice more than in the north where most of the population where within their 50’s and older.

On the other hand, youthful populations have been in general more active and more happy. This may be because they have less old age-associated illness leading them to focus more and maintain them-self more vigorous. Contributing to the fact healthy people could work more efficiently, with this they can contribute to the economy regarding the country, making money in place of spending. For example, the simple truth is that old societies spend a lot of cash in health for their citizens that are old. Another positive element of having young adult populations is that there are more likelihood of having outstanding sport professionals. Young people have more time and more energy than old visitors to practice and start to become an sport professional that is excellent. In soccer the majority of the players retires from their soccer-career when they turn thirty yrs . old. With old people there would be no right time and energy to start a hobby career. And last but not least, young societies are more inclined to have outdoor activities when it comes to community. This might be since they are more proactive in organize those activities and in addition very likely to participate in them. Old people may be too tired to venture out.

To summarize because of the arguments given above, I firmly genuinely believe that some great benefits of youthful population over-weigh the disadvantages. Even though, there are many positive aspects of having an older population
that individuals should consider.

It really is well known that some countries have a population with additional young adults than old people (TR1). Even (CC1) this particular fact may have both advantages and disadvantages, In (GR1) my opinion the positive implications of getting a youthful population overweigh the negative ones (TR2). This essay will talk about the pros and cons (LR1) giving examples to aid both point of view.

TR1 – Good to begin with by paraphrasing the question.

CC1 – Check the meaning / use of ‘even’.
GR1 – Check your utilization of punctuation.
TR2 – Good to state your opinion clearly.
LR1 – A bit repetitive. You will need to vary your usage of vocabulary when you can.

On one side (CC2) / (TR3) having more younger people could lead to a lack of professionals when you look at the society. Older population may be much more educated compared to the young one, this might be being why LR2 that is( they usually have had more time to review a professional career during their lifes (LR3) . For example (CC3) / (TR4) , to become an expert physician it really is needed at least a decade of university studies and also this is almost certainly not able for a adult that is young (GR3). In addition, younger population have less life experience than old population. People after their 50’s (LR4) may have been through a complete lot in life (LR5) in addition they may be more willing to solve any day-life problem than younger people. This can help to form a less stressful society. Lastly, younger populations will probably have high rate of crime, this could be because young people do have more energy to commit crime than old people. A study from the University of Chile (TR5) indicated that within the south of Chile, where in fact the population is mainly young (GR4) , the rate of robs (LR6) and crimes where twice higher than within the north where most of the population where within their 50’s and older.

CC2 – an phrase that is appropriate introduce very first ‘body paragraph’.

TR3 – Good organisation / use of paragraphing.
LR2 – because
LR3 – life (singular), lives (plural)
CC3 – Appropriate language to introduce a good example.
TR4 – Good to include an illustration to support your idea.
GR3 – some nagging problems with sentence structure here. Perhaps ‘specialist physicians require at… that is least and young adults have never yet had time to accumulate this knowledge..’?
LR4 – Perhaps ‘who are over fifty’.
LR5 – Perhaps a little regarding the side that is informal but lovely natural use of language.
TR5 – Again, good to use examples to support your comments.
GR4 – Accurate use of a relative clause.
LR6 – Take care here. ‘Rob’ is a verb – and the noun is ‘robbery’.

On the other hand (CC4) / (TR6), youthful populations come in general more active and much more happy. This can be because (CC5) they will have less old illness that is age-associated them to work more and maintain them-self more active (LR7) . Contributing to the fact that healthy people can work more efficiently, using this they could contribute to the economy for the country, making money in the place of spending (GR4) . For instance, the simple truth is that old societies spend a lot of money in health due to their citizens that are oldLR8) . Another positive facet of having adult that is young is that there are more chances of having outstanding sport professionals. Young people have significantly more some time more energy than
old people to practice and become an excellent sport professional. In soccer all of the players retires (GR5) from their soccer-career if they turn thirty yrs . old (LR9 ). With old people there is no right time and energy to start an activity career. And last but not least (CC6) , young societies are more likely to have outdoor activities when it comes to community. This might be as they are more proactive in organize those activities and also almost certainly going to be involved in them. Old people can be too tired to go out.

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